James Richmond's
California Story

Wright's Indian Vegetable Pills

You remember boys, my telling you about Arkansas Tom, that comical fellow I met at Aspenwall on my way out? I met him again after two or three years. "Well, How are you Tom?" said I. "How are I? Right pert sir. Allers right pert." How’s that Tom?" Said I. "Most people are liable to aches and pains."

"Right you are, sir," said he, "but I will explain all that. After I had been here on the Pacific Coast a matter of six months was not feeling very pert like, so I lay off work and go to town. Wanted to buy a few necessaries, you know. As I went along on every broad barn and fence I came to I saw posted in big letters "Wright’s Indian Vegetable Pills, Good for all the ills of humanity".

I felt as I told you, as if some of those ills had got ahold of me. And, thinks I, who knows but they might do me good. So I invested two dollars in "Wright’s Indian Vegetable Pills".

They were sugar coated. I put them in my pocket and went home. I was living then on the banks of the Tahoone River. Lucky for me I was. I got home and was feeling pretty well used up when I thought of my box of pills. I got it out and looked it over. Sugar coated. So they were. Tasted of one. It tasted good and slipped down easy like. So I kept dropping them into my mouth one at a time till they were all gone. I thought there was quite a lot of them and they’d ought t’do me good. I seemed to kinda hanker for more. Most wished I’d bought another dose. So I began to chew the box. It tasted kinda sweet like and I had nothing else to do. And first I knew I had chewed the box down, too. Then I felt a little uneasy like so I meandered down on the bank of the river. Lucky for me I did six! I dropped asleep for a short time, but when I woke! Great Guns, sir! Tahonne River in a freshet was no where. And, Mister, When that box of "Wright’s Indian Vegetable Pills" got through with me I had nothing but the frameworks left. No inside furniture to speak of, sir, had to build up all new. And, bless you sir, I’ve never been sick an hour since."

I can see him now as he looked white telling his story. He was an odd fellow. He could scarcely read the words of our language but could converse fluently in many languages. And his comical way of telling a story would make one laugh even if the story did not mount to much in itself.